


Cage

by ChickenXD



Category: Hatoful Kareshi | Hatoful Boyfriend
Genre: (very depressed shuu... nothing new here, Depression, M/M, Post-BBL, i might add a small bit of detail later depending on demand, update: I changed the contents of ch 4 and moved what was ch 4 to ch 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-19
Updated: 2015-11-11
Packaged: 2018-04-27 02:12:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5029708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChickenXD/pseuds/ChickenXD
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kazuaki taking care of Shuu after BBL, things go... well??</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Iwamine Shuu is no longer part of this world. 

Technically, he was still sitting on his wheelchair, staring out of the window – but take a closer look, and you will see that their is no longer any life in his purple eyes. 

It was like being alive, but not actually living. 

Living like that is the worst. It was a dark, miserable hell. 

 

Kazuaki would come to the hospital every morning to find Shuu sitting perfectly still on his wheelchair, looking out of the window. 

“Good morning, Iwamine-sensei. Are you feeling better today?”

“Yes,” the answer would come, “Thank you.”

The answer had been exactly the same,every day, for at least a month now. 

Kazuaki would then boil some water and make a pot of tea. He knew Shuu wouldn't drink any of it and that a nurse would empty the untouched pot every night, but he kept making them anyways. 

“The air's warm outside today,” he said, “It's a good day for a walk. Would you like to?”

“...no, thank you.”

Kazuaki pulled a chair and sat down next to Shuu's wheelchair. Shuu showed no signs of movement or interest – he just sat, still as a statue, looking out. It felt as if he had become completely oblivious to everything that was happening around him, as if he'd built a thick, invisible wall to separate himself from the world. 

Outside, there were children, merrily playing on the hospital's playground. They could faintly hear the children's laughter and screams, could faintly hear them singing –

“...how reminiscent.”

Kazuaki turned to look at Shuu with a smile, as if expecting a reaction. 

“Back in the orphanage, we used to play outside like that, too,” he said, “The others like to play Kagome kagome, and they'd make me sit in the middle.”

Shuu didn't say anything to that. 

It seems like one of the boys outside, who was playing in the sandbox, had noticed Kazuaki and Shuu watching him, and waved towards them. Kazuaki smiled and waved back to him –

The kettle whistled, and Kazuaki got up to switch it off. 

 

Things used to be different.

Shuu hadn’t always been one to make good conversation, but he wouldn’t just sit around and look out of the window like this either. 

It felt as if he was watching, waiting – waiting for something that would never come. 

“Don’t you get bored, Iwamine-sensei? I would be if I were you.”

“...no.”

“What about I bring you books? Back then, when Nageki was bored, he would read.”

Shuu didn’t answer. Kazuaki looked at him for a while, waiting for the answer that would never come. 

“I’ll bring a few tomorrow.”

Kazuaki knew full well why things had become like this. 

~•~

The next day, he brought the books, as promised. 

“These are the books Nageki used to read,” he said as he put them on the table. “Once you finish reading, I’ll bring some more.”

Shuu remained silent, his gaze still directed out of the window – he didn’t even turn to look at the books. Waiting for Godot, Book of the Thieving Magpie, The Metamorphosis, and a few more. 

“I wonder why Nageki likes Western authors so much,” he said with a sigh. “Have you ever heard of this Edgar Allan Poe guy, sensei? You’re pretty good at English too, aren’t you?”

Shuu gave no reaction, of course. It felt like talking to a wall sometimes, but Kazuaki had grown used to it. 

“I’ll read you a story,” Kazuaki said as he opened a book. He flipped through a few pages – “This one looks interesting. The Tell-Tale Heart.”

\--

Kazuaki came the next day to find the wheelchair not parked by the window. He almost called the police to report a missing person if he hadn’t noticed Shuu sitting behind the table – 

Shuu was reading - he couldn’t see which book it was as Shuu had laid it flat on the table, but he was absorbed enough to not notice Kazuaki walking in. Kazuaki didn’t want to disturb him, so he didn’t greet him. 

Kazuaki proceeded to boil some water, as usual, and not once did Shuu look up from his book. He reminded Kazuaki of Nageki when got so excited about a book – 

“...Nanaki-sensei?” 

That was probably the first time since Kazuaki started taking care of Shuu that he had said anything other than ‘yes’, ‘no’, and ‘thank you’. 

“Damn, I’ve forgotten you can actually talk!” Kazuaki remarked with his usual cheerful smile, “What is it, Iwamine-sensei?”

“How is everything?” Shuu asked without looking up, “Shirogane said he’ll hand us to the police, didn’t he?”

“They’re waiting for your feet to heal,” Kazuaki replied. “Or at least that’s what I’ve been told. I’m pretty sure some of your Hawk Party associates are going to come and get you out of prison anyway.”

The kettle whistled, and Kazuaki quickly turned it off and poured the water into the pot. 

Shuu closed the book he was reading – Waiting for Godot – and turned to look at Kazuaki. 

“You could’ve killed me then,” he said, “You had the gun at my forehead. If you had pulled the trigger –”

Kazuaki only smiled as he poured some tea into a cup and served it for Shuu.

 

Yes, he could’ve killed Shuu then, but letting him live wasn’t too bad either. 

There was no particular reason for that. 

Even after taking care of him for a month, Kazuaki felt nothing but hatred towards Shuu. Because he had killed Nageki and ruined his life. 

And he wasn’t the only one. There were at least three other people who could’ve died because of Shuu. He was the reason everything was in shambles –

 

And yet, why?

Perhaps he had feared that Shuu would die. 

 

“Won’t you kill me?”

“Well,” Kazuaki said with a smile, “Maybe. When I feel like it, I will.”

“You’re keeping me alive just to see how I’ll hold up,” Shuu said, “We’re birds of a feather, after all.”

“Oh, please don’t group me with you,” Kazuaki replied. “I would never kill –”

“You want to see if I’m going to break,” Shuu cut, “and if I do, you’ll laugh at me until you’re out of breath, and make sure you don’t.”

Kazuaki didn’t say anything to that. 

Shuu looked up at him, for the first time after they almost killed each other, a sad smile on his face. 

“I’m scared, Nanaki,” he said, “And yet I’m not. I’m living under your mercy right now, but I also wish I’m dead. You understand that feeling, don’t you?”


	2. Chapter 2

            “Good morning, Iwamine-sensei.”

            Kazuaki came in the next day to find Shuu once again seated by the window, looking outside. The books he lent were all stacked on the table – no, there was one book missing.

            “Are you feeling better today?”

            “Yes,” came the answer, “Thank you.”

            Kazuaki filled the kettle and started boiling some water, as usual. He walked over to Shuu, and noticed that he had a book in his lap. _The Metamorphosis –_

“Have you ever read this book, Nanaki-sensei?”

            “No – Nageki said it’s a depressing story.”

            “It’s about someone who turned into a bug,” Shuu said, “And his family had to live with it, and at the end, they left him to die.”

            “That sounds interesting,” Kazuaki remarked, “And somewhat depressing.”

            “What if you turned into a bug one day, Nanaki?” Shuu said, “And all of sudden, you lose your normal life, and nobody cares about you?”

            “Well, just the kind of conversation I like to have at nine in the morning, Iwamine-sensei,” Kazuaki sighed, “Come on, now. You’re a doctor – you know that kind of thing is impossible. Why are you even asking about this?”

            Shuu turned to look at Kazuaki for a second – his gaze was empty and cold – and turned to look out of the window again.

            “…I guess.”

            The kettle whistled. Kazuaki stayed by Shuu for a while, as if waiting for any further interaction, but as the kettle continued to whistle louder, he had no choice but to go turn it off.

            “I’m going to visit Ryouta-kun today,” Kazuaki said, “Do you want to come along? I’m sure you guys have a lot to talk about.”

            Shuu gave no reply. Kazuaki poured the tea into two cups and placed one on Shuu’s lap, on top of the book.

            “Ryouta-kun is a good student,” Kazuaki began. “I mean… he’s not particularly excellent in academics, but he puts effort into everything he does. It’s not easy, you know, doing well at school while taking care of his ailing mother and doing like, five part-time jobs.”

            Shuu remained silent.

            “I once met him while he was at work in a café. The owner is a really nice old man – he even gave me a discount. You should go there too sometime, Iwamine-sensei; their donburi is really good.

            “By the way, have you ever met his mum? She came to meet me once, but have you two ever talked over coffee or something? She’s really nice, just like her son… I think Ryouta-kun learnt to be such a good birdie thanks to her. Things must’ve been difficult for her as a single parent, too…”

            Kazuaki paused to take a sip of tea. Shuu remained silent, still looking outside –

            “Well, I’m sorry for rambling,” Kazuaki sighed – Shuu showed no sign of interest at all in his talk. “I’ll go visit Ryouta-kun for… I don’t know, half an hour? But don’t worry, I’ll be back – “

            “I’ll go with you.”

            Kazuaki turned to Shuu, surprised. “Are you sure?”

            Shuu was silent for a second – he seemed like he was deep in thought, about Ryouta, perhaps? – and then let out a sigh.

            “No, I’m good,” he said, a tone of resignation in his voice. “Just tell him I said hi.”

 

            Ryouta seemed to be doing fine. He still had a few tubes connected to his body and there were bandages around his head and arms, but other than that, he seemed fine. In fact, he was doing some stretching when Kazuaki walked in –

            “I’m doing fine, I think,” Ryouta told him with a smile. “The doctor said I can’t leave for the next week or two, though – I guess he just wants to make sure the virus doesn’t suddenly reappear.”

            “Well, I can bring you some books if you’re bored,” Kazuaki offered. “I already brought a few for Iwamine-sensei, so it can’t hurt. Oh, by the way, he said hi.”

            Ryouta’s expression immediately changed to a darker one.

            “Iwamine-sensei is in the hospital?”

            “I shot his leg, remember?”

            Ryouta suddenly fell silent and looked down at his hands.

            _He must’ve had a lot to think about too,_ Kazuaki thought. _It’s a lot of heavy stuff to find out at his age._

“Do you have something to say to him?”

            Ryouta nodded.

            “I need to see him,” he muttered softly. “I have too many questions.”

-

            “Good morning, Iwamine-sensei.”

            Kazuaki walked into Shuu’s room to find his wheelchair parked by the window as usual.

            “Are you feeling better today?”

            “Yes,” came the answer, “Thank you.”

            “I saw on the list that Ryouta-kun is visiting today,” Kazuaki said as he started boiling some water for tea, “I guess it’s meant to happen no matter how you avoid it, huh?”

            “…can I ask you a favour, Nanaki-sensei?”

            “Sure, I’ll leave you two to talk alone.”

 

            “You’re here to ask about your father.”

            Ryouta gave a nod as he poured some tea into the cups. Shuu turned to look at Ryouta, and slowly turned his wheelchair towards him.

            “How much do you remember about him?”

            “…not much, honestly,” Ryouta replied. “He was never around much. I mean, he doesn’t come home often, and even when he does, he’d be back late at night, when I was asleep.”

            “He never shuts up about you at work,” Shuu said, “He’d be like, ‘oh, Ryouta-kun would love to see this experiment’, or something.”

            “Back then, your name was… Isa?”

            “Isa Souma.”

            “Why did you change your name?”

            “Because Isa Souma is dead.”

            The statement was clear-cut and absolute.

            _Iwamine Shuu is no longer part of this world, after all._

“Anyway, forget about him,” Shuu continued. “And let’s talk about your father. What do you want to know?”

            “As much as you want to tell, sensei,” Ryouta slid a cup over to Shuu, “I’m just curious as to what kind of person he was that you love him so much, but you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

            Shuu was staring at his reflection in the tea.

 

            Love sure is a strange thing.

            He never quite understood what it was like to love or to be loved, so when he heard others saying things like ‘I love you’, when he heard fairytales where the prince and princess lived ‘happily ever after’, he thought it was just a load of crap.

            Until one day Ryuuji told him those exact words, and suddenly he was at loss of words.

            Because he did not know what it was like to love, or to be loved.

            No matter how impossible it sounded like, to be ‘happily ever after’ with Ryuuji suddenly became his greatest wish.

            …now that he thought about it, Kazuaki, too, told him what an abstract thing love is, and how ironic it is that Shuu, a man of reason, would sacrifice everything for it –

            _It was his eyes. They were so red and beautiful –_

_…no. No, that’s not quite it._

_It was the way he looked at me, perhaps. His eyes were so gently and lovely, like I’m the most precious thing in the world –_

           

            “I was a fool.”

            _Perhaps,_ Shuu thought, _perhaps if I had told him then, things could’ve been different._

“I was unaware of the fact that I love him. No –” Shuu sighed, “Even if I had been aware, our relationship would be one that is doomed to fail.”

            “We don’t know that for sure, Iwamine-sensei.”

            “He wouldn’t have left you and your mother.” Shuu could hear his voice tremble at this point – he paused and took a deep breath before continuing. “He’s probably not a very good father, but he’s a good person.”

            “My mum used to say that,” Ryouta said with a smile. “She said it’s difficult to be his wife because he cares so much about others to the extent of ignoring his own needs and his family –

            “Did you think so, too, Iwamine-sensei?”

            Shuu didn’t answer.

            “What do you remember about my father, Iwamine-sensei?”

            Shuu turned to Ryouta, a sad smile on his face.

            “A lot,” he muttered. “I can go on all day.”

            Ryouta pulled a chair, sat down, and took a sip of tea. Shuu took it as a sign that Ryouta was willing to listen, and so he wheeled himself back by the window, and looked out.

            It was a beautiful sunny day, just like that day, seventeen years ago.

            “I think it was… the day you were born. He came to work, really excited – he was like, “Isa-kun, I’m a dad now!” and then came the long list of speculations about which school you will attend, what kind of girl you will date – ”

 

            It was almost lunch when Kazuaki decided to pop in.

            “You guys have been talking for almost three hours now,” he said. “At least you guys should come out and eat before continuing.”

            “Ah, sorry about that, Nanaki-sensei,” Ryouta said. “We’ll be done in just a minute.”

            Shuu was looking out of the window, silent as always.

            “Alright then,” Kazuaki said, and closed the door again.

           

            “Thank you, Iwamine-sensei.”

            “…don’t mention it.”

            “By the way,” Ryouta took the blue notebook he had been carrying and handed it to Shuu. “I just… thought you’d like to have this.”

            Shuu glanced at it for a moment, and Ryouta could see his eyes widened in surprise.

            “I found it in your drawer,” Ryouta sheepishly said. “I know I shouldn’t be poking around, but…”

            “You must never breathe a word about this to your mother.”

            Shuu took the notebook from Ryouta’s hand and opened it, right in the middle.

 

            Ryuuji was smiling, his bright red eyes lit with happiness.

            Standing next to him was ~~Shuu~~ Isa, holding a bouquet of red roses. He had a conical hat on with the words ‘Happy Hatchday’ on it –

            Ryuuji’s eyes and the flowers were the only things that seemed to Shuu to have any colour.

            _“You look so cute, Isa-kun!”_

 _“Happy Hatchday, sensei. I wish you a successful –_ ”

            _“Are these flowers for me? They’re so pretty!”_

At the bottom of the picture, someone had scribbled, “17 Feb ‘67”.

           

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy hatchday bc i have to go on with the birb puns,  
> also i'm sure none of you need to be told but notice the year


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> kazuaki is a straight up bitch in this one. you have been warned

            “Good morning, Iwamine-sensei.”

            Kazuaki closed the door behind him. Shuu was sitting by the window, silent as a statue. Kazuaki started to fill the kettle to boil water –

            “Are you feeling better today?”

            Strangely, there was no answer.

            Kazuaki walked over to him and tapped his shoulder, but Shuu gave no reaction. He seemed to be reading something –

            “Iwamine-sensei?”

            Shuu turned to Kazuaki, startled, and quickly closed the book. Kazuaki smiled as cheerfully as usual –

            “What are you reading?”

            “…something,” came the curt reply. “It’s none of your business.”

            “Oh, no, I’m just curious,” Kazuaki said with a smile. “If you’re so engrossed in something that you don’t even notice me coming in an hour late, then it must be a really interesting book.”

            It was a blue notebook, with a hard leather cover and a ribbon bookmark in the middle – there was no title on the cover.

            “I didn’t lend you that book, did I?”  
            “Kawara-kun gave it to me yesterday,” Shuu replied. “It’s my notebook. He found it and returned it to me, as simple as that.”

            “May I see it, or is it too heretical for my eyes?”

            Shuu gave no answer. He slowly moved towards the table, and put the notebook along with the other books.

            The kettle whistled, and Kazuaki went to turn it off.

 

            “Why are you late?”

            “I met Ryouta-kun and his mum on my way,” Kazuaki replied. “First there was only Ryouta-kun, and you know, we talked about you, and then his mum came and we talked some more.”

           

            Kazuaki knew Shuu was only asking for formality. He wouldn’t have noticed that Kazuaki was late – he rarely looked at the clock mounted on the wall – the only way he would know time was passing was by the sun’s position. Time was no longer of any importance to him –

            That’s a sign, isn’t it – that someone no longer cares about his life.

            He wouldn’t have gone to lunch or dinner if a nurse or Kazuaki didn’t tell him to, and he doesn’t go to sleep if the nurse doesn’t turn off the lights.

            It’s pathetic to see how Iwamine Shuu had been reduced into nothing but a living puppet.

           

            “Have you ever thought about your life, Iwamine-sensei? When Kawara-sensei died, what was your immediate reaction?”

            Shuu looked down at his hands, silent.

            His gaze was still empty and cold, but it felt different. As if somewhere inside, a door had been knocked –

            “Did you cry?”

            “My first thought was that I wanted to get on his bed and just die with him, right then and there,” Shuu replied. “I don’t know. He just seemed so peaceful it seemed unreal. I felt like I can lie down next to him and sleep there, and we’d wake up the next morning and everything would be fine.

            “I held his hand as he died, and the warmth didn’t recede for a long, long time.

            “And as it slowly became cold, I started thinking about how different things would be without him, and it felt…” Shuu paused, “I can’t describe it. It felt like the world shifted a little, and now suddenly it’s a dark, cold place.”

            Shuu looked out of the window. The sun was shining brightly, and he could hear the children playing outside –

           

_“Are you asleep, Isa-kun?”_

_Isa didn’t answer. He kept his eyes shut, pretending to be asleep. He could feel Ryuuji’s hand running through his hair –_

_They were sitting on the floor, their backs against the wall. Isa was leaning on Ryuuji’s shoulder._

_“You’re not asleep, are you?”_

_Isa didn’t react, trying to keep up with the act. Maybe if he did that for long enough Ryuuji would believe he was sleeping –_

_Ryuuji felt warm and comfortable – there is still work to do, but Isa didn’t feel like it. It would be nice to just snuggle with Ryuuji and go to sleep._

_“Well… I guess you can sleep if you want to. It’s been a long day, after all.”_

_He could feel Ryuuji’s hand caressing his cheeks, his soft kiss on his forehead –_

_“I love you, Isa-kun.”_

Iwamine Shuu is no longer part of this world, simply because he no longer has a place in it.

 

            “Nanaki.”

            Kazuaki was pouring some tea for himself. “Yes, what is it?”

            “Kill me.”

 

           

 

            _“I never asked for you to exact revenge.”_

_That’s what Nageki said. Nageki is too kind to everyone, as usual._

_Even know, I don’t understand, Nageki – why don’t you hate this person, who destroyed everything? He ruined your life and mine, and you can still look at me and boldly say you don’t want me to kill him._

_Why you would forgive him is beyond me._

“I refuse.”

            “Why?” Shuu shot back, “You’ve been hunting for me since the day Fujishiro died. Now would be the perfect chance to kill me.”

            “I told you I’ll kill you when I feel like it, and right now I don’t, so be patient.”

            “Keeping me alive won’t do you any good either,” Shuu said. “It’s just like what you said – the Hawks are going to come bail me out, and I would never face the consequence of – “

            “Why are we having this conversation, Iwamine-sensei?” Kazuaki cut, “Is it because of Kawara-sensei? Would you go so far just so you can see him again?”  


            Kazuaki could feel the anger rising in his chest.

            The very man who took Nageki away from him is now begging for his sympathy.

            As if Kazuaki didn’t go through the same exact pain for five years, as if he didn’t hate himself for what happened and didn’t want to die.

            _Such bullshit._

            “Death is an easy way out, Iwamine-sensei,” he growled, “and I won’t give it to you.”

            “If you don’t kill me, I’ll kill myself,” Shuu threatened, “And you’ll lose your chance, forever.”

            “I don’t care.”

 

            That’s what he had said, but Kazuaki knew, deep down, that he cared.

            If Shuu dies, then he would, too. If Shuu can’t face his guilt, he wouldn’t be able to, either.

 

            Kazuaki took the notebook from the table.

            He thought Shuu would try to stop him, but he only watched quietly as Kazuaki took the ribbon bookmark and opened the book.

            “Is this you when you were younger?”

            Kazuaki took out the photo that was slipped between the pages. It was a photo of a blue-haired man and a little boy –

            “You look cute with short hair,” Kazuaki remarked. “Ryouta sure looks a lot like his dad, huh? Even their hairstyle is similar.”

            Shuu remained silent.

            “Looking at old photos always gives me this strange feeling,” Kazuaki went on. “It feels like looking at the past that doesn’t exist anymore. And you look back and think about how different things could’ve been – “

 

            Perhaps that’s why Kazuaki had scribbled out the face in that picture.

            Because he didn’t want to think about how things could’ve turned out differently. It was his fault that things were the way they were, after all. If only he had noticed Nageki’s problems earlier –

 

            “…do you know what kept me going for those six years, Iwamine-sensei?”

            Kazuaki held the photo on its two corners –

–      and ripped it apart.

            “It was hatred.”

 

            “Don’t– “

            Shuu reached out his hand, trying to stop Kazuaki, but it was too late.

            “Kazuaki ripped the photo into two pieces, and then, as if unsatisfied, continued ripping it into smaller pieces.

            “So I want you to live on,” he threw the pieces, scattering them in the air – “and think about how much your hate me. First, for shooting your legs, and now, for destroying the last memento you have of Kawara-sensei.”

 

            Shuu’s facial expression as he watched Kazuaki rip apart the photo, was, to him, priceless.

            Kazuaki couldn’t quite describe it – it was like despair, agony, and grief combined.

            _I wonder if I used to have that look on my face, too?_

_This is much better than killing him off. Now he will suffer, too – he will feel the pain I endured during those years._

_Revenge is a dish best served cold, indeed._

 

            Shuu’s shoulder sank slightly as he stared at the paper pieces on the ground in front of him.

            His gaze was empty and pained, his purple eyes clouded. As if he wanted to cry, but couldn’t.

 

            Shuu was oddly silent when Kazuaki left that day. Not that he usually said bye or anything, but it felt different that day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sweats.... so what do you think of kazuaki............ please comment, thank...


	4. Chapter 4

            “Good morning, Iwamine-sensei.”

            Kazuaki came in the next day to find Shuu sitting by the window, looking outside.

            The photo was nowhere to be seen – someone must’ve cleaned it up. Kazuaki proceeded to boil some water for tea –

            “Are you feeling better today?”

            There was no answer.

 

            Kazuaki had received a warning from a nurse.

            Yesterday, when she came in after Kazuaki had left, Shuu had refused to eat anything – the most he would intake was a glass of water. He had been uncooperative that whole day – he wouldn’t listen to the doctor or anyone else. He seemed to be lost in another world; he was totally unresponsive to everything around him.

            The nurse asked him if they had an argument, and Kazuaki smiled as politely as always, and shook his head.

 

            “Iwamine-sensei?”

            Kazuaki tapped Shuu’s shoulder, but received no reaction. Shuu wasn’t reading or anything – he was just staring out of the window blankly.

            That was when Kazuaki noticed a piece of paper in Shuu’s hand –

            It was the pieces of the photo Kazuaki had ripped up yesterday. Someone had carefully pieced together part of it and secured it with tape –

            Kazuaki could make out the smiling face of a blue haired man, but that was the all left from the picture.

 

            The kettle whistled, but nobody was there to turn it off.

            The water bubbled out of the spout and spilled down onto the fire, turning it off. 

           

~

“You asked for me, Iwamine-sensei?”

Yuuya walked into the room and closed the door behind him.

The full moon was shining brightly outside, its brightness entering the room. There were many thick clouds covering the night sky – it felt as if it could rain at anytime.

Shuu was sitting on his wheelchair by his bed, looking down at something he was holding in his hand.

“Iwamine-sensei?”

“Thanks for coming,” Shuu muttered. “There’s something I need to ask you about.”

Yuuya pulled a chair and sat down next to Shuu.

He could see that Shuu was holding a torn photo of a blue-haired man with bright red eyes – seems like he had tried piecing it back with tape.

“Is that Kawara Ryuuji-sensei?” Yuuya leaned over to take a closer look, “He kind of looks like Ryouta-kun, doesn’t he?”

“Not really,” came the curt reply, “Kawara-sensei had very brilliant eyes… which Ryouta-kun doesn’t have.”

Yuuya turned to look at Shuu, as if expecting any further comment from the partridge.

 

He’d heard about Ryouta giving Shuu a photo he left in the infirmary, but he didn’t expect it to be torn-up like that. Ryouta told him about it – he found a picture of ~~Shuu~~ Isa Souma and his father in an old notebook, and returned it to its rightful owner –

 _It’s probably Nanaki_ , Yuuya thought quietly. That bastard.

 

“How long did you guys know each other?”

“A while,” Shuu replied. “My parents died early in my life, and then he came in and was really nice to me – that’s probably why I got so attached to him.”

“I knew it, Iwamine-sensei,” Yuuya said, trying to light up the atmosphere, “I knew you have a lover! Ahh, even someone as cold-hearted as you can’t resist the fire of –”

“It’s not that kind of relationship, Sakazaki,” Shuu said with a sigh.

 _Well, if it isn’t_ , Yuuya thought, _why are you still holding a picture of him, ten years after he died?_

 

“By the way, what did you want to ask me about?”

“Oh…” Shuu flipped over the photo and covered it with his hand, “Just asking about… how things are outside.”

 _He must be talking about his trial_. “Well, Sakuya’s trying to get someone to defend for you, and seems like I’ll be going as a witness –”

“No, I mean…” Shuu paused for a second, as if trying to find a good word for his question – “I mean… you must’ve received orders to kill me, is that right?”

 

It was just yesterday.

Leone received a recording, telling him that the Hawk Party seems unwilling to assist Iwamine Shuu, and that he should try to kill Shuu as soon as possible.

Nishikihouji Tohri said something along the same lines, too – that even if Shuu ever leaves the hospital, the chance that he would continue living is almost zero.

“How come you always know what I’m doing, Iwamine-sensei? You once found my wiretap in the infirmary, too.”

“...nobody in the Hawk Party had contacted me, although I was questioned many times,” Shuu replied. “They probably think… I’m no longer of any use to them.

“Pathetic, isn’t it – to think that I’ve worked for them for most of my life, too…”

Maybe that’s why Iwamine Shuu is the man he is.

For his whole life, he had lived for everything but himself.

At the end, he really is nothing but an empty vessel, looking for something, someone, to fill that void.

Now that the only one who could have filled the void is gone, his life is like an empty boat on the sea – nobody knows where it will go, or whether a storm will destroy it before it even reaches land.

Shuu slowly wheeled himself to the window so that his back was against Yuuya, and looked up at the night sky.

“Do you hate me, Sakazaki-kun?”

“...that’s a difficult question.”

Yes, this is the very bird that had told Sakuya the secret Yuuya had planned to carry to the grave. He’s also the very bird who almost killed him, among a few others, and forced him to participate in a crime –

And yet, seeing him in that state – hunted, living under others’ mercy, lonely –

Sakazaki Yuuya almost couldn’t bring himself to.

“Maybe,” Yuuya sighed, “I don’t know.”

Shuu wasn’t looking directly at him, but Yuuya knew he was waiting for an explanation.

“I mean, well, I’ll attend your funeral,” he continued, “But I don’t want to be the person who put you in your casket, either.”

“And why is that?” Shuu asked, “Everyone is pretty much trying to kill me now. If you kill me here, would it not make everyone a bit happier?”

“Not everyone,” Yuuya said, “I’m sure Nanaki-sensei would be pretty sad.”

 

Silence took over.

It hung uncomfortably in the air, as if it was just waiting for one of them to break it – but for Yuuya, it felt almost too heavy, too suffocating.

 _Maybe I shouldn’t have said that_ , Yuuya thought, I mean, _nobody knows what Nanaki is trying to achieve by taking care of him._

__

He then heard it – it was barely audible –

But surely, Iwamine Shuu was crying.

Yuuya couldn’t see his face, but he could see Shuu’s shoulders shaking.

Yuuya debated himself whether or not he should walk up to Shuu and try to console him – Shuu would probably just slap him away, after all –

_Well, it’s not wrong to try, I guess._

“It’s not your fault.”

Yuuya had just taken one step when Shuu said that among his sobs.

“It’s just that…” Shuu took a deep breath, “Everyone seems to want to see me be miserable.”

 

“So you think death will solve everything?”

Death had never been an option for Yuuya.

He had to bear that sin, that guilt with him until the day he dies. To kill himself before the time comes would just be cowardly – it would mean running away from his punishment.

To think that Iwamine Shuu, who had killed way more people than him, would get an easy escape from his sins just by death –

Ah, but he’s bound to die anyway.

Perhaps, for Shuu, the difference will only be knowing who will point the gun at him.

“I don’t,” Shuu replied, “But everyone wants me dead at this point anyway.

“If there’s anything I can do to end this misery, if there’s anything that can bring me to Kawara-sensei –”

Yuuya stood up from his chair and headed for the door.

It was starting to rain outside, and he could hear the thunder in the distance. It seemed like Shuu had stopped crying – even if he was, the sound of the rain would have hidden it.

“When the sun rises tomorrow,” Yuuya said, “I want you to look at it carefully. Look at it, and burn that image into your memory.”

Shuu turned to look at him as he walked out of the door.

“That will be the last sunrise you see, Iwamine Shuu.”

 

          

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sips tea


	5. Chapter 5

             The sunrise was beautiful.

             The sun slowly rose from the east, dyeing the sky in a rich golden glow. The dark night sky slowly retreated in front of the light, making the sky a beautiful gradient of golden, purple, and blue –

             The stars were starting to fade away, swallowed by the sun’s brightness.

             There were a few clouds in the sky, thinly spread like pink cotton candy, like brush trails on a canvas. Below them, birds were flying, crying –           

 

            “Good morning, Iwamine-sensei.”

            Kazuaki came in the next day to find Shuu sitting by the table, reading a book. There was a pot of tea next to his book, steam still coming out of its spout.

            Shuu looked up to him, with the brightest smile Kazuaki had ever seen coming from Shuu.

            It was almost like an idyllic picture out of a cliché novel; a handsome young gentleman, sitting behind a desk, reading a book and serving tea for his guests with a smile.

            “Good morning, Nanaki-sensei,” he greeted, “It’s a beautiful day, isn’t it?”

           

            Kazuaki couldn’t help but feel lost.

            He felt as if Shuu wasn’t actually there, and the bird sitting in front of him was just an imposter. Or maybe some kind of angel had possessed Shuu’s body…

            Yes, that must’ve been the case. Shuu would never greet him the way he just did – the world would have ended before that could happen.

           

            “You seem to be in a good mood today, Iwamine-sensei.”

            “What do you mean? I’m always in a good mood.” Shuu poured some tea into a cup, “Would you like some mango tea?”

           

             _Am I dreaming? Is all of this actually happening? He wouldn’t say a single word yesterday –_

“Is your head alright, Iwamine-sensei?”

            “Why, of course it is,” Shuu replied – he didn’t seem offended at all. “Why do you ask?”

            “You’re acting… strange.”

            Shuu poured some tea into another cup – “No, I’m acting quite normally.”

             _Okay, Iwamine-sensei, if you’re really acting normally, you would’ve asked for my head in exchange for that cup of tea._

“What are you standing around for? Grab a seat.”

            Kazuaki sat down in front of Shuu, still slightly concerned, as Shuu slid over a cup of tea to him.

            “I’ve been reading your book – Book of the Thieving Magpie,” Shuu began, “It’s a very interesting book. It starts of simple and mundane, but becomes really interesting.”

            “I can bring you the sequel,” Kazuaki said, “There are three books total.”

            “Ah, no wonder it felt kind of hanging,” Shuu said with a smile. “I would appreciate that.”

            “Have you read the other books?”

            “I haven’t read the Poe story collection yet, but I think I’ll get to it in a few days.”

           

            They spent the whole day talking about the books Kazuaki lent.

            Shuu actually was able to make good conversation – Kazuaki doubted anyone had ever seen this side of him save for Ryuuji.

 

            “I really appreciate your company, Nanaki-sensei.”

            Shuu waved his hand as Kazuaki was leaving.

            “Thank you for taking care of me.”

           

            Kazuaki would be lying if he said the whole situation wasn’t creeping him out, but it wasn’t like he didn’t enjoy it.

            Maybe if Shuu can cope and start looking at life positively, Kazuaki would be able to do that, too.

            Now he started to feel bad for ripping up the picture. Maybe he didn’t need to do that to knock Shuu back to his senses – “time heals everything”, so maybe all Shuu needed was a bit more time and patience to clear his mind –

             _Things are changing now,_  he thought.  _Hopefully for the better._

_~_

       “Don’t look at him.”

       Shuu was lying on the ground now, blood oozing out of his forehead.

       Leone threw the gun he had just fired from on the grass, next to Shuu’s hand.

       Shuu’s eyes were open, staring blankly into the distance. That had always been the look in his eyes for a while now, since the incident last month –

       As if he was staring into the distance, waiting to be saved. But that salvation never came –

            And yet, he seemed… almost peaceful.

       “Sakazaki, I said don’t look at him.”

       Yuuya closed his eyes and turned around.

       _I’m sorry._

      

_~_

“Good morning, Iwamine-sensei.”

            Kazuaki didn’t forget to bring the sequel of the book as he promised. He walked into the room to find Shuu’s wheelchair parked by the window as usual –

            - but Iwamine Shuu was nowhere to be seen.

            Perhaps that's only normal. Iwamine Shuu is no longer part of this world, after all.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sips tea....


End file.
